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Saturday, November 14th, 2009
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4:11 pm - :D
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Owen was online over the past couple days! It was so, so nice to be able to have that instant communication I'm so used to with him. I've really missed it. But now he's headed back for AIT, and it'll be another five weeks. Five weeks. That's all that's left. That's just over a month, and he'll be home. I can't wait! :)
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| Thursday, November 5th, 2009
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1:19 pm - Alright...
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John Cleese was pretty awesome. We got to sit in the third row while he made jokes about his divorce and how old he is. It was kind of interesting in that rather than it being purely comedy (though just about all of it was laughing-out-loud kind of funny) it was largely him basically giving us a history lesson on his life. He had a bunch of clips for us to see from things like the first show he was on, and Graham Chapman's funeral. He had a lot of stories about the writing process (arguing about whether to make a goat lamp or a sheep lamp for a sketch, for example), and business parties (where Graham Chapman, who is very tall, would crawl around on the floor and bite at people's ankles). He also talked about his personal life, and his relationship with his mom. It was generally really interesting, while being consistently hilarious. He had a brief Q&A at the end, and then left. I'm glad it was such a good time. Last time I went to see a famous person (well, someone that my parents recognized as famous), I got so bored I started tuning it out early on. But this was completely worth the two or three hours. I kind of wish there had been some kind of recording.
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| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
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5:19 pm
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Today was the kind of day, where I walked outside, and as soon as the air hit my nose, I thought "I love Autumn."
Getting a pumpkin this weekend. Yaaaay!
I wish Owen was home. :(
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| Sunday, October 11th, 2009
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11:33 am - Wow, uhh...
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So, my birth control is linked to heart attacks, blood clots and strokes. With increasing frequency over the past few months, I've had dizzy spells, been short of breath, and I have random spells where my heart will start beating really hard for basically no reason, when I'm doing stressful things like reading a book, or taking a nap. I'm kind of worried. Calling the doctor tomorrow to see if I should stop taking it immediately.
current mood:  worried
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| Saturday, October 10th, 2009
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1:26 am - zzzz....
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I'm really tired, but felt like updating before going to bed.
I've been surprisingly okay with Owen's absence. I mean, I really miss him a lot, and I think about him all the time, but it's not some sort of soul crushing sorrow or anything. Not a lot has changed aside from spending less time on the computer, and more time writing letters. I write him almost every day now, and I get letters from him really frequently. I can't wait until he's home. :)
I know it's kind of weird, but I start experiencing undeniable bouts of Christmas spirit fairly early in the year. This year, I started thinking about the holidays late August. I blame Owen. I asked him what he might want for Christmas before he left, so I'd know BEFORE he gets home mid December. I'm actually quite disgusted with the fact that Christmas is advertised and things are set up so early in the year, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it really early. I think a big part of it, is that I love the holiday season so much, that I don't want to have to worry about presents and plans and things during that month. I want everything to be out of the way so I can kick back and enjoy it. Make cookies and sing Christmasy things, and watch Christmas movies, rather than try to figure out what to get for everyone (I'm very indecisive, so that process can take a lot of effort.) I figured out basically a perfect gift for Owen, but alas, it is too expensive. I have one or two cheaper back up ideas though that I'm kicking around. I also know what I'm getting for my dad, and Jeff is always easy to shop for (look for something random, pointless, stupid, and generally cheap. As long as he laughs, we're good.)
I officially did not make it into White Christmas, which is a bummer, but I don't mind. This means I will hopefully get more of the kind of shift I like at work, which is late at night, and with my favorite co-workers. I was called into the office the other day 15 minutes before the end of my shift, and told I need to "step it up". Kill less time, you know? I accept criticism, and generally feel it's warranted, but I never take it well, so I spend the last 15 minutes of that damn shift either hiding behind the wall in Customer Service trying to stop crying, or wandering around putting things away, looking like a person about to cry. Not a good day for me. What was confusing though, is that I've felt really busy the past few shifts. One of them, for 4 1/2 or the 5 hours I was scheduled, I was doing exactly what the supervisor told me to do (one of the two supervisors telling me I have to work harder, by the way.) She told me things were slow, and that I should help the two people rearranging a section. So I did. I moved shit around, pushed around heavy carts, put a bunch of back stock on shelves, and when the other two people left, I checked fitting rooms and folded stuff for the last half hour. And the next day, things were busy, and so was I. I was putting stuff away, filling out theft reports, repairing packaging, and helping customers my entire shift (the other of the two supervisors was in charge of that shift.) In short, I have no fucking clue what I've been doing wrong. This is a big part of why I'm hoping to get more of my late Ad Set shifts. I go in, have one specific task to do, don't have to deal with customers, and that's my whole shift. I don't have to make work for myself. Ugh. I really want another job now. D:
Aside from the bullshit at work, I've been doing pretty well. Things have been changing in a good way in various aspects of my life, and it's really refreshing. I just want it to be December though. My favorite month, my favorite holiday, and Owen's coming home. I can't wait. :)
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Danke Schoen
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| Saturday, September 19th, 2009
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11:35 pm - Today was pretty awesome
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I visited a Renaissance Faire for the first time today. It was really fun. Hopefully next time, I'll have some sort of costume to wear. I would just want a stereotypical wench costume, but the costume obsessed part of me wants an actual historically accurate outfit to wear. It'll be different, and I'll be able to laugh at the people who are like "omg what's she wearing lol".
I finally got a letter from Owen, and therefore, have an address! Mu ha ha ha ha!! I wrote a heartfelt letter to him complete with pictures of robots talking about having a picnic (on the back, there was a followup where the robots were holding sandwiches and looking disappointed after realizing they have no digestive systems.) I really miss him a lot, but I'm glad I can start my regular letters to him. :)
Also, my new character shoes. OH MY FUCKING GOD. They are so ridiculously cute, and extremely comfortable. I'm so excited!
Theeeese:
The black is much blacker than it looks in that picture. I'm still excited, whether I get into White Christmas or not.
I'm also thinking about joining a gym. In the girl goon chat, there is so much talk about how amazing weight lifting is, it really makes me want to get into the habit of doing it.
I think I'll go running tomorrow. :)
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| Friday, September 18th, 2009
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2:14 pm
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Yay! Hundred dollars have been found! How did it get under there, anyway...?
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| Thursday, September 17th, 2009
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5:18 pm - Hrm...
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Okay, now today is significantly less good since the hundred dollar bill for food is missing. It's not my fault. I didn't touch it.
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3:24 pm
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Today, I am taking a day to feel good about myself. I've been sitting around eating and watching TV for days now, and I've just been feeling kind of meh about things. Today, I exercised some, I'm going to the bank to break that hundred, I'm coming home, taking a shower, and giving myself a facial. I'll see how I feel, and maybe Kristin will be up for coming into town or something to hang out. I feel like wandering around downtown.
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| Monday, September 14th, 2009
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9:15 pm
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I got another call from Owen today, which was a pleasant surprise. What was nice was that I wasn't too bummed about it. It didn't feel like a horrible reminder that he was gone. I just felt so happy all day that I got a call from him. I feel betterrrr...
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| Saturday, September 12th, 2009
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5:43 pm - Auditions Return!!
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The audition for White Christmas was today. I think I did pretty well in the singing and acting. The director looked pleased (but that might be because he knows me, and thinks I'm charming (which I am. hoo hoo hoo hoo!)) so I'll take that as a good sign.
But as always, dance auditions make me cry inside. I get the feel for dances when it's during rehearsal, and I have time to perfect it on my own, and work on it, and ask questions. But it's my weak point, and I know it, so when it comes time for that portion at auditions, I feel really stressed, and I think it shows. Half the time, no matter how well I know the dance bu the end of practice, I WILL screw it up when we get called up in smaller groups to do it. It's really frustrating. I think taking some dance classes would make it easier, but it wouldn't fully fix the problem, because I'm just not used to dancing in front of a crowd without it being part of a show. I could be better, but the anxiety would still be there. And when I get like that while performing, that's when I FORGET things. It's terrible. Stupid dancing. ._.
current music: This Can't Be Love
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| Saturday, September 5th, 2009
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12:34 pm - Things are looking much better...
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Hanging out with Kristin Thursday and Friday really helped. We were back to adventuring out in the Grove. We walked a Stand By Me trail, her occasionally talking about how she was dealt a bad hand in life and how she stole some kid's money which the teacher took and bought a dress with, and I would ask her if she wished she could go somewhere where nobody knew her. And occasionally, I would talk about how my parents love my dead brother more than me. And then we had sandwiches. They were delicious.
We watched Iron Giant and Princess and the Goblin, both of which are fantastic for completely different reasons, and had a blast doing so. That on top of hanging out with kittens went a way to lifting my spirit.
This morning, I got a call from Owen. VERY pleasant surprise. Though neither of us are really phone people, I was happy to hear his voice and hear about what was happening with him.
I also found out my dance shoes have arrived at the store downtown. Time now to go pick them up. :)
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| Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
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3:38 pm
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| Monday, August 31st, 2009
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12:20 pm - This is awful
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I'm not dealing with Owen being away as well as I thought I would. I've known it was going to happen for months, and while I wasn't really HAPPY about it, I at least felt prepared. I knew about every problem that would probably come up, like "who will I talk to about SA?" "what am I going to do all day when he's not online to talk to?" "who's going to tell me that it's irresponsible to buy that dress I want?" I had that figured out. But then he left, and the second he was gone, I got all teared up. He's gone. He's going to be gone for a while, and our only means of communication for the next several months will be snail mail. After he left, I went for a long bike ride and took a walk with my mom to get my mind off of it in a productive way. Everything was going alright, but today when I got online I saw that he'd left a message in my facebook inbox, and I was right back to where I was the moment he left yesterday.
I really miss him already. My plan has been that I'll keep myself busy doing things until he gets back, to keep myself from sinking into a depression where I wake up at two in the afternoon and eat a lot of unhealthy food all day and generally sit around on the couch. It seemed like a flawless plan, but already I just don't feel up to doing anything at all. I know I need to look for a job, I know I need to go to the library and look for a monologue, but all I want to do is sleep and watch TV or something. It's like there's two very conflicting parts to my mind right now. The depressed one who wants to eat a whole pizza right now (not joking, It's in the freezer and I want it), and the one who is also depressed, but is trying to talk me into doing things anyway. I hate it.
Fingers crossed, I'll get into White Christmas. Rehearsals have never failed to distract me from my problems.
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| Friday, August 28th, 2009
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11:30 pm - Headshots!
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My aunt took some pictures today, and I left with about fifteen I've been looking at. I think I've narrowed it down to these five:
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0014.jpg
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0068.jpg
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0026.jpg
And some more smiley ones:
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0070.jpg
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0027.jpg
Here's the fifteen I took home, if anyone's interested to see the rest:
http://s67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/
Whichever I pick will certainly be cleaned up (mostly if I choose the black shirt shot, since my hair isn't so great) as well as cropped about 2 1/2 inches vertically. I'm trying to decide first, if I want an open or closed mouth smile picture, and also, if I should have black and white or color. I think color would probably be okay. If I do the black shirt, I might go gray scale, since I think it would look REALLY nice with the black shirt. So far, I have one vote for a gray scale version of the black shirt, and a vote for one of the more angled shots of me in the teal. Not a lot of people read this, but I'd love feedback from those of you that do. :)
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| Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
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1:52 pm - Hoorah
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Haven't updated in a bit. Oklahoma's over, it was amazing, everyone loved it and I got paid yesterday. :)
I'll really miss the show and everyone in it, some of whom live way out of state, mostly for school, but it was a really fantastic experience that I'm glad I had.
I was also recently emailed about auditions for White Christmas! I finally saw the movie for the first time, which was very sweet. I think I'll definitely audition, but this one concerns me a bit. Mostly because there's so much dancing involved, and that's generally what I'm worst at. I'll give it my best though. It seems like it'd be a really fun show to be involved in.
Things with Owen are a little confusing right now. Everything really seems clear, but when I think harder on it, it gets a little confusing. I think things will turn out just fine.
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| Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
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10:31 pm - "Oklahoma!" update
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First off, this is the most fun I've had in quite a while. I'm really glad I auditioned. :)
So as of late, we've hit a rough patch. Our Jud needed quintuple bypass surgery, so he had to drop out, which moved around some roles. Greg became Jud, Walter took Greg's role, and nobody took Walter's role. Walter's the one I'm partnered with in basically every scene, so we had to do a bunch of re-choreographing. I'm left either by myself a lot, or sharing a guy with someone else. It's a little off balance, but not to a point where the audience will notice. Greg is picking up the role of Jud really quickly though, and the show's coming along really well. The whole cast is really great.
I spent my downtime today getting lassoed by Matt, who's playing Will. He's supposed to lasso Aunt Eller for their greeting, so he was practicing a lot. It's pretty terrifying. Those ropes HURT when you get hit in the head/face/arm with them. Don't know how they're going to do that bit without Aunt Eller nervously covering her face while she delivers her line.
Production starts next weekend. If you get the chance, come! It's going to be very good. :)
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| Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
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9:26 pm - Yaaaaay
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| Monday, July 13th, 2009
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9:58 pm - I don't even know what the fuck...
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Today has been a fairly uneventful birthday, which somehow resulted in me falling into a deep depression, having random bouts of crying, and wondering if I even really matter all that much to anyone. I can think of one person who would not be having an okay time in life right now if I just wasn't alive. And I didn't even see her today. I guess I'm just having an overwhelming feeling of being unnecessary, and that nothing is going right anymore. I'm not the most important person to anyone. Everyone needs somebody, and it's becoming apparent that I am not that person for anyone anymore.
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| Saturday, July 4th, 2009
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8:46 pm
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Watching 1776 is kind of a tradition in our house for the 4th. I'd seen the movie before, but I tend to wander off and do something else. I rewatched it today with my family. Such a great movie. This is such a great war song. It makes me sad:
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