Jenny I got your number... I didn't think you'd mind...

:)

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 12:11:22 GMT

I think this is probably my favorite Christmas ever. Nothing. NOTHING seemed to go wrong (aside from my mom having work). I had to wake up between 10 and 11 to open presents, since my mom would be gone later, and it was a surprisingly easy feat. I came downstairs to see my family watching and old episode of Family Feud, where there was a normal family against some Russian immigrant family who would answer questions like "Where is a place where you commonly fall asleep in your seat?" with answers such as (in an excited Russian accent) "Under the tree!" Of course we cracked jokes about it. We grabbed our breakfasts and headed out to unwrap our presents.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm older, or because I didn't have much in particular that I wanted, but I felt so absolutely at ease, and I was so thrilled about every single present I got. For instance, I went with my mom when she gave blood recently, and I got caught up in a puzzle they had laid out. In passing, I mentioned I hadn't done a good puzzle in years, so my mom got me a 2000 piece puzzle. I'm not really into puzzles, particularly, but it was so thoughtful and made me feel so overjoyed. I had the same sort of situation Christmas eve when Owen and I were exchanging presents, too. I mentioned that though I've never finished a Dickens novel, he had written my favorite descriptive piece I'd ever read, and that I kind of wanted to read A Christmas Carol, so he got it for me. As always, Jeff got me a weird present (Goosebumps: Say Cheese and Die, and Fresh Prince of Bel Air season 1), which received a sort of "When have I EVER indicated I wanted this?!" reaction (a humored one).

I squeezed in some time to bake cookies before we left for my uncle's house. This is his and my aunt's first year in their very own, not rented house. Everyone there was in high spirits. There wasn't a trace of negativity in anyone at all, which is more surprising than it sounds. Usually my grandpa brings up politics at some point and gets grumpy about it, but today, everyone was just having some laughs. (Except for my little brother, who was pretty quiet, but hey, he's 14.)

When I got home, I finished decorating a cool box for some cookies to be given to Owen's family, put cookies in it, made it all purdy, and a little later, Owen came to pick me up. His mom knit me a scarf!! A really nice, thick, soft one. I've known his family for about a week. I'm so happy! :D They were very pleased with my cookie presentation job as well.

I've rambled too much about things probably no one cares about. It's just... I don't think I've ever had a Christmas where literally everyone I came across just seemed in a really great mood. This is exactly what I always think of when I hear Christmas is coming, and it's why I always get so excited. If a Christmas is half as perfect as this one was, then it was a damn good holiday.

What?

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 09:41:31 GMT

Owen is coming home tomorrow?

'Bout fucking time!!!! D:<

..... <3

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 00:15:27 GMT

I love this poem. The English language is silly, and I love it. :)

Phony Phonetics by Vivian Buchan

One reason why I cannot spell
Although I learned the rules quite well
Is that some words like coup and through
Sound just like threw and flue and Who;
When oo is never spelled the same,
The duice becomes a guessing game;
And then I ponder over though,
Is it spelled so, or throw, or beau,
And bough is never bow, it's bow,
I mean the bow that sounds like plow,
And not the bow that sounds like row -
The row that is pronounced like roe.
I wonder, too, why rough and tough,
That sound the same as gruff and muff,
Are spelled like bough and though, for they
Are both pronounced a different way.
And why can't I spell trough and cough
The same as I do for scoff and golf?
Why isn't drought spelled just like route,
or doubt or pout or sauerkraut?
When words all sound so much the same
To change the spelling seems a shame.
There is no sense - see sound like cents -
In making such a difference.
The way a word should look will fail
And often prove to no avail
Because exceptions will negate
The truth of what the rule may state;
So though I try, I still despair
And moan and mutter, "It's not fair
That I'm held up to ridicule
And made to look like such a fool
When it's the spelling that's at fault.
Let's call this nonsense to a halt."

:D

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:11:00 GMT

Owen was online over the past couple days! It was so, so nice to be able to have that instant communication I'm so used to with him. I've really missed it. But now he's headed back for AIT, and it'll be another five weeks. Five weeks. That's all that's left. That's just over a month, and he'll be home. I can't wait! :)

Alright...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:32:35 GMT

John Cleese was pretty awesome. We got to sit in the third row while he made jokes about his divorce and how old he is. It was kind of interesting in that rather than it being purely comedy (though just about all of it was laughing-out-loud kind of funny) it was largely him basically giving us a history lesson on his life. He had a bunch of clips for us to see from things like the first show he was on, and Graham Chapman's funeral. He had a lot of stories about the writing process (arguing about whether to make a goat lamp or a sheep lamp for a sketch, for example), and business parties (where Graham Chapman, who is very tall, would crawl around on the floor and bite at people's ankles). He also talked about his personal life, and his relationship with his mom. It was generally really interesting, while being consistently hilarious. He had a brief Q&A at the end, and then left. I'm glad it was such a good time. Last time I went to see a famous person (well, someone that my parents recognized as famous), I got so bored I started tuning it out early on. But this was completely worth the two or three hours. I kind of wish there had been some kind of recording.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:20:57 GMT

Today was the kind of day, where I walked outside, and as soon as the air hit my nose, I thought "I love Autumn."

Getting a pumpkin this weekend. Yaaaay!

I wish Owen was home. :(

Wow, uhh...

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:35:57 GMT

So, my birth control is linked to heart attacks, blood clots and strokes. With increasing frequency over the past few months, I've had dizzy spells, been short of breath, and I have random spells where my heart will start beating really hard for basically no reason, when I'm doing stressful things like reading a book, or taking a nap. I'm kind of worried. Calling the doctor tomorrow to see if I should stop taking it immediately.

zzzz....

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 09:00:40 GMT

I'm really tired, but felt like updating before going to bed.

I've been surprisingly okay with Owen's absence. I mean, I really miss him a lot, and I think about him all the time, but it's not some sort of soul crushing sorrow or anything. Not a lot has changed aside from spending less time on the computer, and more time writing letters. I write him almost every day now, and I get letters from him really frequently. I can't wait until he's home. :)

I know it's kind of weird, but I start experiencing undeniable bouts of Christmas spirit fairly early in the year. This year, I started thinking about the holidays late August. I blame Owen. I asked him what he might want for Christmas before he left, so I'd know BEFORE he gets home mid December. I'm actually quite disgusted with the fact that Christmas is advertised and things are set up so early in the year, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it really early. I think a big part of it, is that I love the holiday season so much, that I don't want to have to worry about presents and plans and things during that month. I want everything to be out of the way so I can kick back and enjoy it. Make cookies and sing Christmasy things, and watch Christmas movies, rather than try to figure out what to get for everyone (I'm very indecisive, so that process can take a lot of effort.) I figured out basically a perfect gift for Owen, but alas, it is too expensive. I have one or two cheaper back up ideas though that I'm kicking around. I also know what I'm getting for my dad, and Jeff is always easy to shop for (look for something random, pointless, stupid, and generally cheap. As long as he laughs, we're good.)

I officially did not make it into White Christmas, which is a bummer, but I don't mind. This means I will hopefully get more of the kind of shift I like at work, which is late at night, and with my favorite co-workers. I was called into the office the other day 15 minutes before the end of my shift, and told I need to "step it up". Kill less time, you know? I accept criticism, and generally feel it's warranted, but I never take it well, so I spend the last 15 minutes of that damn shift either hiding behind the wall in Customer Service trying to stop crying, or wandering around putting things away, looking like a person about to cry. Not a good day for me. What was confusing though, is that I've felt really busy the past few shifts. One of them, for 4 1/2 or the 5 hours I was scheduled, I was doing exactly what the supervisor told me to do (one of the two supervisors telling me I have to work harder, by the way.) She told me things were slow, and that I should help the two people rearranging a section. So I did. I moved shit around, pushed around heavy carts, put a bunch of back stock on shelves, and when the other two people left, I checked fitting rooms and folded stuff for the last half hour. And the next day, things were busy, and so was I. I was putting stuff away, filling out theft reports, repairing packaging, and helping customers my entire shift (the other of the two supervisors was in charge of that shift.) In short, I have no fucking clue what I've been doing wrong. This is a big part of why I'm hoping to get more of my late Ad Set shifts. I go in, have one specific task to do, don't have to deal with customers, and that's my whole shift. I don't have to make work for myself. Ugh. I really want another job now. D:

Aside from the bullshit at work, I've been doing pretty well. Things have been changing in a good way in various aspects of my life, and it's really refreshing. I just want it to be December though. My favorite month, my favorite holiday, and Owen's coming home. I can't wait. :)

Today was pretty awesome

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 06:44:29 GMT

I visited a Renaissance Faire for the first time today. It was really fun. Hopefully next time, I'll have some sort of costume to wear. I would just want a stereotypical wench costume, but the costume obsessed part of me wants an actual historically accurate outfit to wear. It'll be different, and I'll be able to laugh at the people who are like "omg what's she wearing lol".

I finally got a letter from Owen, and therefore, have an address! Mu ha ha ha ha!! I wrote a heartfelt letter to him complete with pictures of robots talking about having a picnic (on the back, there was a followup where the robots were holding sandwiches and looking disappointed after realizing they have no digestive systems.) I really miss him a lot, but I'm glad I can start my regular letters to him. :)

Also, my new character shoes. OH MY FUCKING GOD. They are so ridiculously cute, and extremely comfortable. I'm so excited!

Theeeese:

The black is much blacker than it looks in that picture. I'm still excited, whether I get into White Christmas or not.

I'm also thinking about joining a gym. In the girl goon chat, there is so much talk about how amazing weight lifting is, it really makes me want to get into the habit of doing it.

I think I'll go running tomorrow. :)

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:14:53 GMT

Yay! Hundred dollars have been found! How did it get under there, anyway...?

Hrm...

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:19:25 GMT

Okay, now today is significantly less good since the hundred dollar bill for food is missing. It's not my fault. I didn't touch it.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 22:26:28 GMT

Today, I am taking a day to feel good about myself. I've been sitting around eating and watching TV for days now, and I've just been feeling kind of meh about things. Today, I exercised some, I'm going to the bank to break that hundred, I'm coming home, taking a shower, and giving myself a facial. I'll see how I feel, and maybe Kristin will be up for coming into town or something to hang out. I feel like wandering around downtown.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:16:41 GMT

I got another call from Owen today, which was a pleasant surprise. What was nice was that I wasn't too bummed about it. It didn't feel like a horrible reminder that he was gone. I just felt so happy all day that I got a call from him. I feel betterrrr...

Auditions Return!!

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 00:48:35 GMT

The audition for White Christmas was today. I think I did pretty well in the singing and acting. The director looked pleased (but that might be because he knows me, and thinks I'm charming (which I am. hoo hoo hoo hoo!)) so I'll take that as a good sign.

But as always, dance auditions make me cry inside. I get the feel for dances when it's during rehearsal, and I have time to perfect it on my own, and work on it, and ask questions. But it's my weak point, and I know it, so when it comes time for that portion at auditions, I feel really stressed, and I think it shows. Half the time, no matter how well I know the dance bu the end of practice, I WILL screw it up when we get called up in smaller groups to do it. It's really frustrating. I think taking some dance classes would make it easier, but it wouldn't fully fix the problem, because I'm just not used to dancing in front of a crowd without it being part of a show. I could be better, but the anxiety would still be there. And when I get like that while performing, that's when I FORGET things. It's terrible. Stupid dancing. ._.

Things are looking much better...

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 19:41:02 GMT

Hanging out with Kristin Thursday and Friday really helped. We were back to adventuring out in the Grove. We walked a Stand By Me trail, her occasionally talking about how she was dealt a bad hand in life and how she stole some kid's money which the teacher took and bought a dress with, and I would ask her if she wished she could go somewhere where nobody knew her. And occasionally, I would talk about how my parents love my dead brother more than me. And then we had sandwiches. They were delicious.

We watched Iron Giant and Princess and the Goblin, both of which are fantastic for completely different reasons, and had a blast doing so. That on top of hanging out with kittens went a way to lifting my spirit.

This morning, I got a call from Owen. VERY pleasant surprise. Though neither of us are really phone people, I was happy to hear his voice and hear about what was happening with him.

I also found out my dance shoes have arrived at the store downtown. Time now to go pick them up. :)

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:38:39 GMT

Emotional meltdown! Yah, woooo!! *shoots self in the head*

This is awful

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:55:53 GMT

I'm not dealing with Owen being away as well as I thought I would. I've known it was going to happen for months, and while I wasn't really HAPPY about it, I at least felt prepared. I knew about every problem that would probably come up, like "who will I talk to about SA?" "what am I going to do all day when he's not online to talk to?" "who's going to tell me that it's irresponsible to buy that dress I want?" I had that figured out. But then he left, and the second he was gone, I got all teared up. He's gone. He's going to be gone for a while, and our only means of communication for the next several months will be snail mail. After he left, I went for a long bike ride and took a walk with my mom to get my mind off of it in a productive way. Everything was going alright, but today when I got online I saw that he'd left a message in my facebook inbox, and I was right back to where I was the moment he left yesterday.

I really miss him already. My plan has been that I'll keep myself busy doing things until he gets back, to keep myself from sinking into a depression where I wake up at two in the afternoon and eat a lot of unhealthy food all day and generally sit around on the couch. It seemed like a flawless plan, but already I just don't feel up to doing anything at all. I know I need to look for a job, I know I need to go to the library and look for a monologue, but all I want to do is sleep and watch TV or something. It's like there's two very conflicting parts to my mind right now. The depressed one who wants to eat a whole pizza right now (not joking, It's in the freezer and I want it), and the one who is also depressed, but is trying to talk me into doing things anyway. I hate it.

Fingers crossed, I'll get into White Christmas. Rehearsals have never failed to distract me from my problems.

Headshots!

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 06:41:43 GMT

My aunt took some pictures today, and I left with about fifteen I've been looking at. I think I've narrowed it down to these five:
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0014.jpg

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0068.jpg

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0026.jpg

And some more smiley ones:
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0070.jpg

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/IMG_0027.jpg

Here's the fifteen I took home, if anyone's interested to see the rest:
http://s67.photobucket.com/albums/h295/fo_shizzle_wekk/Headshots/

Whichever I pick will certainly be cleaned up (mostly if I choose the black shirt shot, since my hair isn't so great) as well as cropped about 2 1/2 inches vertically. I'm trying to decide first, if I want an open or closed mouth smile picture, and also, if I should have black and white or color. I think color would probably be okay. If I do the black shirt, I might go gray scale, since I think it would look REALLY nice with the black shirt. So far, I have one vote for a gray scale version of the black shirt, and a vote for one of the more angled shots of me in the teal. Not a lot of people read this, but I'd love feedback from those of you that do. :)

Hoorah

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:56:25 GMT

Haven't updated in a bit. Oklahoma's over, it was amazing, everyone loved it and I got paid yesterday. :)

I'll really miss the show and everyone in it, some of whom live way out of state, mostly for school, but it was a really fantastic experience that I'm glad I had.

I was also recently emailed about auditions for White Christmas! I finally saw the movie for the first time, which was very sweet. I think I'll definitely audition, but this one concerns me a bit. Mostly because there's so much dancing involved, and that's generally what I'm worst at. I'll give it my best though. It seems like it'd be a really fun show to be involved in.

Things with Owen are a little confusing right now. Everything really seems clear, but when I think harder on it, it gets a little confusing. I think things will turn out just fine.

"Oklahoma!" update

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 05:41:49 GMT

First off, this is the most fun I've had in quite a while. I'm really glad I auditioned. :)

So as of late, we've hit a rough patch. Our Jud needed quintuple bypass surgery, so he had to drop out, which moved around some roles. Greg became Jud, Walter took Greg's role, and nobody took Walter's role. Walter's the one I'm partnered with in basically every scene, so we had to do a bunch of re-choreographing. I'm left either by myself a lot, or sharing a guy with someone else. It's a little off balance, but not to a point where the audience will notice. Greg is picking up the role of Jud really quickly though, and the show's coming along really well. The whole cast is really great.

I spent my downtime today getting lassoed by Matt, who's playing Will. He's supposed to lasso Aunt Eller for their greeting, so he was practicing a lot. It's pretty terrifying. Those ropes HURT when you get hit in the head/face/arm with them. Don't know how they're going to do that bit without Aunt Eller nervously covering her face while she delivers her line.

Production starts next weekend. If you get the chance, come! It's going to be very good. :)

Yaaaaay

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 04:26:57 GMT

Guess who's back to enjoying blind happiness? *wink!*

I don't even know what the fuck...

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:06:13 GMT

Today has been a fairly uneventful birthday, which somehow resulted in me falling into a deep depression, having random bouts of crying, and wondering if I even really matter all that much to anyone. I can think of one person who would not be having an okay time in life right now if I just wasn't alive. And I didn't even see her today. I guess I'm just having an overwhelming feeling of being unnecessary, and that nothing is going right anymore. I'm not the most important person to anyone. Everyone needs somebody, and it's becoming apparent that I am not that person for anyone anymore.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 03:49:54 GMT

Watching 1776 is kind of a tradition in our house for the 4th. I'd seen the movie before, but I tend to wander off and do something else. I rewatched it today with my family. Such a great movie. This is such a great war song. It makes me sad:

Fancy that

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:49:46 GMT

Rehearsal's have been going swimmingly. I was surprised to realize I knew someone there. Well, "know" isn't the right way to describe it. I met him. Once. Nearly five years ago. But we both recognized each other, and though we didn't say it or immediately know where from, it got us interacting. (I told him I remembered him as soon as I figured it out, which was met with a "I feel like a recognize you too!") And so, I have someone to talk to occasionally on break. I'm glad I'm not standing alone in the corner constantly or anything like that. Everyone in the show seems really nice.

Actually, the first person I specifically recognized as soon as I showed up to my first rehearsal was a guy that drunkenly hit on me about a month prior. He doesn't seem to remember me, but I thought it was kind of funny, in a way.

We choreographed Farmer and the Cowman yesterday, which was far less painful than I thought it would be. I hate hate hate dancing. Hate it. Mostly because I'm not very good at doing it and remembering the steps and all that. But the director had a fairly simple, fun dance for us, and I ended up enjoying myself. I think it'll be better still when we work in the fight.

Ho hum...

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:42:39 GMT

I'm having mixed feelings about seeing Owen in a more friendship-like way. I'm glad he's in town, and I'm happy to be around him again, but at the end of the day when I go home, it's like I have to tell myself "we aren't together anymore." The thought always makes me sad, and the words make me feel dizzy every single time I think them, whether I'm getting out of his car, or watching a movie, or just cooking some food for myself. Really, I'm just glad we're on good terms and that I can still see him without crumbling into an emotional mess. I always strive to be thankful for what I do have, you know?